Changing Friendships

Friendship is universal in humanity. Kids start friendships with the sharing of curiosities, toys, and laughter. As we grow, some friendships develop with us for a lifetime providing support, and love for each other. The love, laughter, and concern we share with friends gives us a sense of self which can sometimes be prevented within our families.

Recently, I’ve been feeling like my friendships have been changing so fast. Maybe it’s just that point in my life. Some have grown immensely, and for that I am grateful. We talk regularly, about anything and everything and have so much in common. I can share what I’m thinking/feeling without the judging and pitying. I feel as though I’m finally being understood. Other friendships have dwindled. We don’t talk, or make time to catch up. When we do talk there is a feeling of emptiness in the conversation. That understanding and closeness that was one there has vanished.

It got me to think about why some friendships change and even end after long periods of time?

We have probably all had friends in our lives who were so involved with us during certain periods that the thought of that person no longer being around seems impossible. There are countless reasons why even some of the more enduring friendships fall apart. On the most basic level, friendships can change when two people grow apart from each other. I first met my oldest friends in primary school,  and we have been friends ever since. I met my other good friends in high school. Spending that much time with people is bound to bring to bring you close together. As we grown and matured, friends that once “fit” no longer do and we move on. By “fit” I don’t simply mean not having things in common but also not making time for each other and changing priorities.

I think that Friendships that last a lifetime are those in which the balance between give and take, honesty and support, and a genuine desire for our friend’s well-being are of greatest importance. Unfortunately, as in all human relations, there can be a tip in the scales.  As we go through life, we realize that some friends are always there when things go wrong for us but cannot stand it when our luck changes for the better. Then there are those friendships that are there when you are doing well but disappear when you are at your lowest.

For me personally, the reason my friendships have changed is because people’s priorities have changed. That is understandable, especially when you have a lot going on in your life; study, work, extracurriculars, family. It can be stressful. Not making time, or not having time seems to be the main reason.  But aren’t your friends there to help you through those tough times? I would like to think that I could go and talk to my friends about all that’s going on. My friends would be there to keep to sane. And I’ve always thought that if you care about anything, is something is that important, you would make the time for it. That is how I feel about my friendships too. But this is also a two-way street. The other person also need to make the time. In my case, I am a bit too generous with my time. I like to make time for people and I occasionally go out of my way. I need to learn is to be intentional about it. I can be generous with my time but only to the people that truly matter and are important to me. I need to understand that although a frienship is important to me, it might to be that way for the other person.

In essence, good friends fill us up with warmth, honesty and a sense of well-being. If you feel drained, empty, belittled and insulted by a friend you should acknowledge that this is diminishing your life experience and not enhancing it.  Sometimes it happens for the best reasons and hopefully, this change occurs slowly and naturally over time and without much stress and guilt attached.

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