I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion

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Carolle is a full-time stargazer, part-time explorer, eccentric Gemini and one of my closest friends. She lives on a whole other island at the moment but westill keep in touch regularly. So when she asked if she could write a guest post, I said why the hell not.

 I’ve recently started caffeinating myself and I’d like to think I’m just curious to look at.

My overprotective childhood did not prepare me for facing the world. Transitioning into an adult has become terrifying. Each day, I am exposed to the importance of different global issues. Each as significant as each other. Each that I think are vital to me being human.

Just over a few months ago, my parents drove me and some of my things three hours inland to a beautiful town called Tekapo. Much to my mother’s dismay, I really enjoy living here. The closest doctor is over 40 minutes away and the closest grocery store is around an hour and 40 minutes away. The fabulous thing is that I don’t have a car either.

It is quiet. I have time to think, time to learn and time to figure myself out. I am confusing. I am elated, depressed, passive and aggressive at the same time. I am ambitious but also lazy. I want to show the world what I know but at the same time I don’t really know anything.

Nikki has had the pleasure of being stuck with me since 2006. We are different and the same. I infuriate her and she makes me see sense. We have been geographically moving further apart (well I keep moving further away) but for some reason it has brought us even closer. Perhaps posting will help us bookmark our conversations. Thank you Facebook, Skype and Pinterest for all the work you have done so far.

I love the job that I have. I’m an observer at the Mt. John University Observatory looking for Extra-Solar Planets using a 1.8m telescope. I am also an astronomy guide. I love showing people through telescopes and telling them what I find fascinating about the world out there. I think it’s perfect for myself now. Not everyone has the luxury to say this and so I do not take it for granted. I love being here is because it lets me connect to a side of the world that I couldn’t growing up in a city.

Days involve snow-capped mountains, weird cloud formations, blues of the lake and greens of the trees. Nights capture the view I’m most passionate about. I love that it titillates the mind and engulfs the soul. All of these experiences together also makes me realise how connected we are. This is truly an amazing world. This also saddens me.

Something I am really grateful for is time. Most of this time (when I’m not working) is spent reading, learning and sleeping. Something that I want to learn more about is global issues. Throughout school and University, I have learnt little bits about bobs but my understanding was disconnected. I did a paper on Atmospheric Physics. I learnt about making climate models and what the IPCC (Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change) reports were saying. I came to know about ocean cycles and the effects of the fishing industry when I took papers in Antarctic Studies. I was part of conversations about poverty and the effects. I caught a glimpse of Millennium Development Goals, the Trans Pacific Partnerships, Divestment, Criminal Justice systems, Economics and Climate change. I could not give any of this a human dimension. I found it difficult to understand how it related to me. I found it difficult to understand why some people dedicated their entire lives to telling the world about it. I understand it now but there is a lot. It is overwhelming.

I came to Tekapo because I wanted to spend the year with the stars. I wanted to use this to find meaning in my life, to find the ‘great truth’ that needed to be found. I have this vague understanding of what it* is and it truly is beautiful. One day I’ll find the words to explain it.

Hi, my name is Carolle and I am figuring it out.

*It – “The ragged and ecstatic joy of pure being” by Jack Kerouac.

 

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